Death of the Salesman

We hear often that parents are working hard to give their children what they never had, but in some circumstances, is what they never had really that essential? I never lacked anything. I always had a roof over my head, food in my belly, and clothes on my back, so what exactly am I working so hard to give my kids that I didn’t have?

As a child, I grew up in a neighborhood where a vast majority of my peers had everything handed to them. They went to private schools that cost tens of thousands of dollars, summered in country clubs, rode on yachts, and spent winters skiing and snowboarding in places like Vail, Tahoe, and Killington. To these kids, vacationing four to five times a year was not only the norm, it was expected. What I didn’t realize at the time was that these kids were not learning the value of a dollar. The newest gaming console was just being handed to them right off the shelf with money coming straight from one of their parents’ pockets. Is this what I’m working for my kids to have? And if it is, what exactly am I teaching them?

While the newest bikes, skateboards, surfboards, sneakers, clothes, video games, and gaming consoles were being handed to my peers, these items were Christmas or Birthday gifts for my siblings and I at best. We were always happy and thankful to receive them, but that’s not to say that we didn’t try very hard to finagle these items from our parents any chance we got; however, every time we asked, the response was, “If you want it, get a job, and go buy it yourself.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but this was some of the greatest advice I was ever given and advice I give my children today. If you want it, go out and get it yourself, and that’s just what I did. As my siblings and I got older and took on more responsibilities, we began to realize the difference between needs and wants, and truly understand the value of a dollar.

At the age of ten, while I watched my father work hard, leaving for work at 5am and not returning until 9pm, I was cutting three lawns on my block weekly. I raked leaves, weeded flower beds, anything I could do to earn a dollar. My brother and I prayed for snow, but not just so we could skip school; snow days were the most profitable. We made hundreds of dollars shoveling driveways while many others built snowmen and had snowball fights.

After saving money, my mother helped me take out an article in the town newspaper, which landed me a ton of new jobs and expanded my target market. By thirteen, I got a summer job at the town beach as a pick-up-boy cleaning toilets and picking up trash. The job paid $3.25 an hour, but the key was getting the job and doing it well because by sixteen I was eligible to be a lifeguard and earn $15-$20 an hour. I kept this summer job through high school and took on additional jobs delivering pizza and working at the local supermarket. By the summer after high school, I was able to get a retail job.

Working hard in school, sports, and work became a point of pride for me. I loved to show my parents and grandparents the fruits of my labor. It was mentally rewarding to me and inclined me to work harder. The more I accomplished, the harder I worked.

After high school, I worked full-time and went to college full-time. I endured many struggles along the way, including going completely broke twice during my twenties, but I never quit. I believed in myself, and it was the struggle and lessons I had learned along the way, that instilled a sense of resilience. Rodney Atkins said it best, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.”

Eventually, I married the perfect woman with the same ideals, morals, and beliefs. We both own our own businesses, and live healthy and abundant lives. Rather than working to give our children what we didn’t have, we work to give them what we did: respectfulness, appreciation, and motivation; however, social media, technology, and society have made this task extremely difficult.

Today, it is clear that younger generations are putting even more of a value on money and possessions than my generation was at their age. Children are now competing and comparing themselves, not just to their peers in school, but also to influencers they are seeing on social media. The influence that social media has over these kids is so strong that many are suffering with mental, nervous, and emotional disorders, some even taking their own lives. Social media obsession has kids comparing themselves to an impossible standard and it is our job, now more than ever before, as parents to show them reality and keep them grounded.

Rather than giving our children what we never had, we are aiming to give them exactly what we had: the lessons of motivation, independence, appreciation, and drive. Like any successful relationship, communication is key. As a family, we focus on putting away the phones, laptops, iPad, air pods, and turning off the TV’s to talk to one another. We ask questions and listen intently to answers. It’s certainly not easy, and we are all a work in progress. As parents, we need to constantly ask ourselves the question, “Are we doing what’s best to make our children’s future better? Am I preparing them to be successful, independent, and physically, emotionally, and mentally sound?” Not, “Are we giving them everything we didn’t have?” As Abigail Van Buren said, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.”